The hardest part

The hardest part of being a step-parent, to me, is splitting time with the children between our house and their father's. Under the custody arrangement Sarah (my wife) worked out with her ex-husband, we get equal time with the kids. They spend one week with us and one week with their father, alternating weeks. This is hard because just about the time we get used to having them around, it's time for them to go back. It's also hard because splitting time makes it hard to reinforce lessons we're trying to teach them. There's no telling what they're being taught at their dad's, and how well he's backing us up with what we're trying to teach them.

Today, I learned another hard part of being a step-dad when Riley came home and announced to his mom that he's doing poorly in school because he wants to live with his dad full time and she won't let him. On one hand, I can see that he might want some stability in his life and not have to alternate back and forth. On the other, I can't help but think that even at a mature 11, he's not nearly mature enough to make such a life-altering decision. I can't help but think what it would do to his sister if he were to disappear. He's the one constant she's had in her life from the beginning. I also can't help but think just how much I would miss him. I've grown used to his face and his sly sense of humor. I would miss his deep thoughts and probing, insightful questions.

I know that all this will work itself out, but it's still hard. The sooner things work themselves out, the better.