A lesson learned

One of the great things about being a step-parent is that I am constantly learning. Today, I learned a very valuable lesson.

Specifically, I learned that when it comes to getting the kids to do what I want them to, I have to be very specific. It's not enough to just tell them to clean a bathroom, for example. I have to give them specific instructions. I have to tell them to clean the toilet, wipe down the counters, clean the floor, etc. If you fail to do that, you end up with them doing exactly what they tell you to, no more no less. It's a lesson I won't soon forget.

Kids do the darndest things

What is it about children that allows them to manipulate parents (and step-parents) so effortlessly? I used to think that I was immune to Ellie's big blue eyes, and to some extent I am, but there are times when all she has to do is look at me and say PUHLEEZE, and I just melt. And God help me if she turns on the waterworks and starts to cry. That is the ultimate weapon. So the question is, is that an innate ability that all children possess? I must admit that I was a pretty good little manipulator when I was growing up, but where did I get that ability? It seems to be something that all children are born with, so why do adults always fall for it? Perhaps it's just the natural order of things.

Feeling young while feeling old

Want to feel old? Have a couple of step-children. A couple of weeks ago, Riley and I decided to listen to my old "Thriller" album. Yes, I have "Thriller," just like everyone else my age who had to have that record when it came out almost 30 YEARS ago. Riley had become interested in it after a Super Bowl commercial this year featured the track "Thriller" and some CGI dancing lizards.

Anyway, as I took the record out and put it on my turntable, he got a fascinated look on his face and asked me what a turntable was and how one worked! I actually sat and explained to him how the turntable worked. I also explained to him how a record was made. As I did, I began to really feel my age, just like I do every time I hear 80s music referred to as "classic rock!"

Want to feel young? Again, having step-children can make that possible, too. One of the things that keeps me feeling young are our family game nights and our tea parties that Ellie likes to throw every so often. Since Sarah and I got married, I've had a chance to play games I haven't played since I was young, things like Go Fish and Battle and Old Maid. Having step children really brings me back and reminds me of the best parts of my childhood.

School Daze

One of my favorite tasks as a new stepfather is getting kids up for school in the morning. In the first six months of my marriage, I didn't get a chance to do that. Following the advice of my friend, I simply watched and learned. Last year, I began getting the kids up and getting them ready for school. What an adventure!

Riley isn't too hard to get up. Usually, one or two times telling him to get up is sufficient. The challenge with him always is finding socks! He never seems to have enough. It's like the sock monster that lives in the dryer (You know, the one that eats one sock out of each pair) has taken up permanent residence in his room. Once he gets going though, he is a huge help in helping me get his sister pointed in the right direction.

That brings me to the real challenge on school mornings, Elizabeth (known to all of us as Ellie). I don't care how much sleep she gets at night, she always seems like she could use an extra hour or two. She's one of those people who literally could sleep all day. Needless to say, she's the hard one to get up. Usually, it takes me two or three trips to her room, followed by threats of cold water in the ear to get her going.

I've also learned that, like her brother, Ellie has a wicked sense of humor. I can't tell you how many times last year Ellie got up, got dressed, then got back in bed and pretended to be asleep. Or she would get up, hide behind the door and jump out at me, scaring me out of a year of my life! Once she's up, though, she's the ball of sunshine that I've grown to love so much

The best advice I ever got

Before I got married, I got some great advice from the wife of a local college president. She had come to speak at my church, and I approached her after she finished and asked her if she had any advice for someone who was about to get married and inherit two wonderful step-children. Without missing a beat, she told me, "For the first six months, don't even try to be the authority figure. Don't go in and try to lay down the law. If you do, they will never respect you, and they'll never listen to you."

Truer words never were spoken. I found after Sarah and I married that it took at least that long just to understand the rhythm of the household. It took at least that long to really get to know the children, to begin to know my wife (As I soon discovered, the rules for dating and the rules for marriage are completely different. You never really get to know someone until you live with them 24 hours a day) and to begin to know where exactly I fit in the scheme of things. It's a learning process and an adventure, one I look forward to every day.

An introduction

To begin with, I guess I should tell you a little about myself. I'm 35 years old, married for almost two years, and I have two stepchildren, and 8 year old girl and a 10 year old boy.

The purpose of this blog will be to share my experiences as a new husband and a new stepfather.

First, an introduction to our cast of characters. There's my wife, Sarah, also 35. Simply put, she is the love of my life. She's someone who makes me laugh, who pushes me hard to be better than I am. She's someone who understands me and accepts me, who loves me unconditionally.

There's Elizabeth, age 8. Elizabeth is our ball of sunshine, our happy-go-lucky child. She's someone who keeps us laughing, even when we're having a bad day. She's a typical 8-year-old, in love with Hannah Montana and the Cheetah Girls.

Then, there's Riley, age 10. He's the thinker in our family. He's what would be called an "old soul." He's a 30 year old stuck in a 10-year-old body. He's got a wicked, sly sense of humor, and he thinks deep thoughts. I love my family. It makes me wonder how I got so lucky